One of the hardest parts about being a Big Person is that, at first, everything is so difficult for you. You can’t fit your clothes. You can’t run. You can’t lift a dumbbell if your very soul depended on it. That’s why, for me, the hardest part of my weight loss journey so far continues to be the first few weeks. While, yes, you may lose a few pounds to start off, it’s rarely quick enough. There’s very few workouts you can do for very long and often you feel self-conscious doing them in front of others. To top it all off, you’re hungry and therefore
a raging lunatic a bit crabby.
Besides repeating cliche mantras like ‘One Step at a Time’ , it can be very hard to find the motivation to trek on. Especially since your main source of comfort (read: food) is being limited.
Well, keep reading; because it doesn’t all suck. It turns out that the cliches are true and if you somehow manage to keep your large feet moving one small step at a time, one day you’ll wake up and look in the mirror and go, “Woah!”
That’s my story, at least. I feel that it’s actually only been the last couple of weeks (since starting my weight loss journey around January) that I’ve seen these seemingly sudden and exciting signs of progress. All the months of small steps and small pounds and big, big weights are paying off. And, how dearly I wish I could go back and tell my former, much heftier self in January, “Thanks–keep going–it will be worth it!”
Unfortunately, time travel is still–as far as I’m aware–impossible. So, I’ll settle for trying to encourage others to keep on trekking, because all your work WILL pay off–even
when you inevitably if you stumble a bit along the way.
Here are a few of my recent moments of pride from the last month or so:
1) I feel happy! I’ll write more about my previous state of depression/anxiety in another post, but suffice to say, a year ago I was in a dark place. I felt hopeless, plagued with fear and anxiety, like a failure. I used to sleep away days, just to distract myself from the pain I felt inside. Exercise–and, to be quite honest, therapy!–has really changed that for me. I feel energized, invigorated, alive, and happy. I feel like, for the first time in a long time, that I finally get the joy of life again.
2) Confidence: Despite the
many few moments of being humbled (e.g. lifting only 10 pounds, failing to do a pushup), my confidence has sky rocketed. I feel good about myself, inside and out. I love weighing in (most weeks!) and I generally have a much sunnier disposition.
3) Weight loss (of course): This is what we’ve all come here for. Like I said, I’ve been losing weight slowly, probably a pound or two a week. So, often it can be hard to notice that I’m making any progress. But lately, I’ve been noticing the change–and so have others! People who haven’t seen me in months are shocked and congratulate me. Old business suits that I used to have to literally force myself into (sometimes with the help of someone else!) are now hanging off of me like sweat pants. It’s a wonderful feeling!
4) Strength and fitness: If you’ve been following my blog (crickets), you may be aware of my epically demoralizing struggles with pushups, dumbells, etc. But, I’ve been seeing progress in these areas as well recently, which is really, really encouraging. Even on my bike, my arms don’t hurt from the strain of supporting my body anymore. I’m breathing easier. And, perhaps most importantly, my bum has adjusted to the seat. (I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not–have some nerves in my rear end died? lol)
So, this post has gotten much longer than I intended it to be. But, honestly it’s a good day, I feel glad to be alive, and it’s nice to see the progress after months of work.